I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
