Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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