Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
