HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
