Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i've created a new STD.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
