Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
