I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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