I want to make a zoo with you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
