Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
