no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
