this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
