Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
