Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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