ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
