You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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