can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
