oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
