he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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