I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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