So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
