Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
