low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
