I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
