I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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