remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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