tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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