Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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