My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
