I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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