Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said her name was "party"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
