do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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