he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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