Got a toothbrush?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
