my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
