also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
