nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
