HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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