her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
