We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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