I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
