you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
