they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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