I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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