I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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