Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
