No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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