happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
