Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
