he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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