Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
