You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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