you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
