"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
did i just pee glitter
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
