the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
