she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize