I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize