He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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