fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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