Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
