Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
