I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
