he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
