plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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