Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Less talking, more tequila
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
