I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
