Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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