i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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