The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
