I'm gonna have a badass scar
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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