summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize