i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
