she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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