It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
