You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
