You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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